Inner And Ouer Me Cover 2

Today

You have opened

My heart

To grief.

Oh, Lord!

And I will

Just let it be.

 

I have seen

Many bomb blasts.

Torn apart bodies.

Grimacing faces.

 

I have seen

Fire and smoke

That rise up

Above the city.

 

Like a menacing monster.

 

I have grown

Numb.

I have absorbed

Too much death

And destruction.

 

A man carrying

An ash-coloured thing

That was once

A human baby.

 

A little girl

In red

Collecting her books

Buried in the rubble

That was once

Her home.

 

My eyes are

Bleeding.

There is no rescue.

There is no respite.

 

What have we done

To ourselves?

 

Today I am open

To grief.

And I shy away

From harrowing tales

Of an oppressed people.

 

We do not forget.

We look away

Lest our bubble bursts.

 

History repeats itself.

And this much I know –

Good times will prevail

Again.

 

I have grown numb.

Out of my numbness

Grows determination.

Like the promise

Of a big tree

Hidden inside

A tiny seed.

 

I shy away

From scrolling screens

That offer

Bits and pieces

Of carnage here.

And massacre there.

 

Lost dreams,

Shattered houses,

Messed up minds

Of children in shock.

 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Quite a mouthful,

No?

 

What can I offer

To this world?

These are

Troubled times.

 

I am losing

My grip

On everyday things.

 

Deadlines,

Promises,

Responsibilities.

I am nowhere to be found.

 

Just for some time.

Let me be lost

In the nowhere space

Inside my head.

 

Let me stare

Blankly

At nothing at all.

 

Perhaps

All I need is

Just a little break.

 

To collect myself

Again.

 

I can feel

The uneasy stillness

Before a storm

That is brewing.

 

Inside

Me.

“Our Lord, pour upon us patience and let us die as Muslims [in submission to You].”

The Qur’an, Surah Al-’A’raaf (Chapter of the heights) 7:126

Sanjida Shaheed publishes her poetry on her blog Eight Feet Tall where this poem was first published. Four of her poems have been published in the anthology The Muslimah Speaks: Her Voice, Her Spirit book 1. Sanjida is self-employed at Studio Hubb, which is her studio where she designs for deen, aiming to spread the message of Islam creatively. www.studiohubb.com. She is also the Founder and CEO of Muslimah Creatives, which is THE hub for creative Muslim women. www.muslimahcreatives.com.

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